Boats and God Make Me Happy

So I went to Jesus camp.  Oh yes I did.  But not the stereotypical Jesus camp, but something much, much better.  I went to a place where outside troubles we're simply that: outside. Where fellow campers were not strangers, not merely friends, but after a day, family.  A place where mornings were not when you got up, but when you finally lay down to sleep.  Yep, our program was designed with a flipped schedule, stay up all night, sleep all day.  Did you know that pizza tastes it's absolute finest at 3 am? And that 10pm-1am is the perfect window for zip-lining?  I can sense the jealousy in you're thoughts.

The camp was on a river, and that's where the boats come in.  I've always loved being on a boat, a speed boat especially, but this time was different.  I was completely free of any worries, and my eyes were open to observe creation's beauty.  As we sped along the water and I gazed upon the vast orange sky, I found myself thinking the exact phrase "I never want to leave."

Needless to say, it was an amazing experience.  I was surrounded by God's love like never before.  I was so at peace there, so at home.  I've noticed that this summer, God has granted me peace.  And compared to the stress I put myself under during the school year, it's a drastic improvement.  I pray that I may continue possessing this peace into the new school year, but I'm fine with the summer being stretched as far as possible!

So, where's a place you would stay forever? 

Oh Literature....

I do two things when I get upset--sleep, or write.  Both never produce much, except for an improvement in my mood and maybe a few scribbled pages of angst, but this time was different.  I wrote the piece below when I was frustrated, and it ended up taking an unexpected turn, for the better, ending on a much lighter note. I hope you find something you can connect with :)

Stop. No one gave you permission to play with my feelings.  In fact, I'm the only one even capable of giving you such permission, and this I do not recall.  Yes, I'm talking to you old friend, whose sudden reappearance on Facebook reignites old scars buried deep.  The beginning of tears well up in my eyes. I blink them back.  No, not today.  I'm also addressing you, media, with your rampant rom-coms and make out scenes, romances that create a restless yearning in my chest despite their staged quality.  And you literature.  Mere words should not possibly have the power to make me angry to the point of screaming, confused to the point of pondering in silence for hours.  Yes, literature is the cruelest form of art.  The writer knows exactly the kind of pain he inflicts on his reader, but willingly writes on.  And the reader knows exactly the kind of pain he inflicts upon himself, but willingly reads on.  So maybe I did give you permission, literature, but that doesn't mean you're not screwing me over.

Diction Daydream- A Poem

Diction Daydream

 -Heather

The sun on my back,

The wind on my skin,

Waiting for words to sprout from within.

For unspoken beauty,

I scavenge my mind,

Praying it’s something of worth that I find.

I know that they’re in there,

These words for which I plea,

Yet the challenge of writing

Is setting them free.

Summer Sounds

In order to keep you in suspense (actually because my power is out and Wi-Fi time limited) I will save Addictive Emotions Part II for a later post.  For now enjoy some poetic rambling.

The symphony of summer dances in the air.

Flashes from fireflies keeping time,

as birds chirp the the melody.

Wet warmth embraces you from all sides,

like an armor protects you from cool reality.

Nothing else exists except the night,

the crickets,

the laughter.

Your helmet of humidity blocks all thoughts of tommorow,

leaving you in peace to savor the moment.  

Addictive Emotions Part I

     Anger, love, triumph, and security. Each of these emotions, and a couple more, reach so many areas of our thoughts that a certain euphoria surrounds them. Our minds and our hearts are exercised fully when experiencing these feelings, creating an energy about us that doesn't occur every day. We crave anger. We long for love. We strive for triumph, and we seek security. These natural thirsts affect almost everything we do. 
     Everyone has been at the point where they've been angry about something, but then want to finish and move on.  Yet when one reaches down into one's self, preparing to let go, attempting to forgive and forget, one hits a boundary; the choice between clinging to the rich, satisfying anger or sacrificing the bitterness for peace.  Sometimes peace seems boring, and one feels they have the right to stay bitter and scowl, because it's simply desirable.  It seems human nature has developed a taste for grudges, and it's hard to resist the craving.
     Tons of actions are rooted in the desire for love.  To be loved, to fall in love, to give love.  All a child wants is for their parents to love them.  The only reason romance is popular in entertainment is because a love story identifies  and draws on our own desires, and kittens just flat out demand love from us, and if we secretly want to give them our love, then I guess that's just another reason to get one.  So one really cannot deny love's effect on our actions.     

~ Stay Tuned for Triumph and Security! ~

Guess What!??

Design Cred : Aaron Jay via Threadless

So, I just found the list I made of all the things I intended to blog/write about but never did.  And without school sucking every ounce of free writing time from my life, I can now fulfill those intentions and make dreams come true!! So expect more posts. Even if few people read the posts, I am still writing and doing what I love, and practicing so I can improve. I fell in love with the design above, so I hope you love it as much as I do. But really I just put it there to make the post more interesting.  I hope I succeeded. (Woah, no way, I just checked spelling and spelled succeeded correctly, first try! Mini-win for the day.)

Poetry Snipet

An Unfinished, Untitled Poem (or lack thereof)

Tired form a journey of self exploration

Each new discovery requiring more explanation

A never ending road of thought and speculation

The only limits set by your imagination

Horizon Line

The sea. The ocean, so timeless, so independent, so influential. A muse to to countless artists across time. How long has man pondered its depths? How many centuries has it stared ominously back at the beach wanderer, so small and insignificant compared to the vast, blue horizon? No logic, problem, achievement, or strength of man can ever compare to this fact of nature. This collective mass of water, incessantly churning and changing, can swallow our world whole. Maybe literally, maybe not, but it's obvious its force and strength comes from something greater. From violent ebony to placid teal, like the sky, the sea has many faces. The sea and the sky. It's never occurred to me how parallel they truly are, even literally so. Both so in-comprehensively large. Mysterious, yet peaceful, humbling. The sea, teeming with life, the sky, housing the weather and saturated with stars. Ahh nature, never shall we master your wonders.

Be Here Now

Everyone lives in the past. Some more than others, but everyone does it. Everyone automatically relates present experiences to past ones, and new memories always trigger old ones. Once those memories are set free, for the rest of the time you're stuck basking in the hapiness of the old memory, or focusing on the hurt. And that stinks, because then it feels like you can't get over the past and then there's more frustration and, before you know it, the moment for making new memories is wasted. I think people are so preoccupied with the past because it's safe. There's no risk in the past, it already happened. It can't affect you any more, and you can talk and complain about it all you want. It's comfortable, almost satisfying, to focus on a past experience's emotion, such as anger, love, or sadness. Maybe it's your mind protecting you from creating more hurtful memories. Maybe we're just scared of what the present will bring. "Living in the moment" often has a slightly hedonistic association with it, but you can live in the moment while still being mindful of what you do. It's hard staying in the present, but I think more people should try it.

Idle Minds

It seems that today, we are afraid of silence. We are incapable at doing one thing at a time, or doing nothing at all. Even now I'm listening music, typing this line, and thinking about the next one, and thinking about me thinking about the next line and judging how you'll read this, all at the same time. There's always an earbud, a text message, a notification, or a TV show dividing our attention. I once read an article that said these distractions and our habit of multitasking has altered our brains to the point where it is physically harder to give one thing our undivided attention. I completely believe this, coming from the girl who once gave herself a headache trying to meditate. Maybe we can't become idle because we're afraid of what we'll hear. Perhaps the world is forcing views upon us that are so skewed and unnatural that, when we do hear our natural thoughts, they seem too wrong to tolerate. What would happen if we all tried to just BE for twenty minutes? Last time I did that, I came to a substantial religious realization, no joke. That's why after I post this I'm laying down on the floor, looking up to the ceiling and going where it takes me. I'm serious, that's what I'm going to do, and you should join me. Come on, let's ditch this world and start dreaming with our eyes open.

Second Ever Poetry Special!

Sweet Submission

Sleep lures me with her calm breezes, her inviting touch.

“Come,” she whispers, “rest your weary head.”

A drop of sweet blackness trickles down my tongue.

“Leave me temptress, for I am only closing my eyes.”

She laughs.

“Foolish mortal, you kid me not.  Why resist your desire?”

“Because I must work! I must perform. I must satisfy…”

“Give me your burdens, child,” coos the goddess of relief,

“Retreat to your dreams, collapse into quiet oblivion.”

I cling to consciousness with my remaining strength,

Yet I know it’s in vain.

So I curse the blessing as my world fades away,

But not before I notice

Her sly smile of triumph.

The Big Questions

          I have no idea how the study of science can cause anyone to cease believing in God.  Because when studying science, you discover that simple chemicals and compounds work in simultaneous and automatic harmony to create and maintain everything  that exists.  And to me that's incredible and only leaves me in awe of an awesome Creator, who gave everything a system, everything a purpose and everything a partner so that LIFE beautiful LIFE could occur.  And these aren't just basic logical systems, but are complex formulas consisting of millions of tiny parts all somehow able to coexist and function.  Now no one can doubt that a species uses natural selection and evolves. If that wasn't true than all people would look the same and a species would look the same as it did millions of years ago.  It frustrates me when people automatically mistake the process of evolution for the Evolutionary Theory that states that humans evolved from primates, which evolved from some other creature.  You CAN believe in evolution (the changing of a species through natural selection, which is obviously exists) while at the same time believing that God created everything.  While the Evolutionary Theory is logical, there are some some huge and discrediting holes.  For instance, if everything evolved out of the want and need to survive then what about emotions?  Sure, love can be explained by the need to reproduce and protect the species, envy and ambition by the need to win and get resources to survive.  But emotions like sympathy, sadness, and self evaluating my cause us to sacrifice, an action that, in theory, would hurt the species.  And the complexity of genes, personalities, and desires would never be necessary when the need was to simply sustain life and not enjoy or experience it.  Scientists themselves are now discovering that DNA and other systems are so complex that the likelihood of them evolving to that level in the amount of time the Earth has existed is slim.  So while I sit in biology class and learn that every protein  is extremely diverse and complex, but are constructed of just twenty different acids, I don't think that's an accident or a coincidence of any sort, but the handy work of my Father. 

A Little Venting Never Hurt

          Wow, yet again I'm balancing on the edge of fulfilling another stereotype.  I'm actually blogging because I'm angry, like some angsty teenager hidden away in the basement.  But I'm not angsty, just angry, and I am not in a basement, but in a well lit room, which, I must add, is painted pink, if that can tell you anything.  I'm blogging to say it's hard to be a decent person, especially when emotions like anger cloud your mind.  I'm upset because some things were said about my extremely good friend by someone I didn't know, and who didn't have a clue about the situation being discussed. And worse yet, it was on that abomination we call FaceBook, for people like me to see and get violently pissed.  You have no idea how close I got to writing this witty, disapproving comment that would give her a piece of my mind (causing me to fill another stereotype of having prissy word fights on FaceBook. By the way, those things are hilarious to read if you're not the one invoved).  But I decided to talk the friend in question first, but when she couldn't talk I was left to think more about what I would say.  Then the annoying "Don't stoop to her level" thought burst into my head and I knew it was right. If I had said similarly mean things to her, wouldn't that just make  me the same rude, ignorant person she was ?  Even if I had reasons for what I would say, hurt is hurt, all the same.  BUT IT'S HARD.  I know an eye for an eye makes the world blind but losing an eye hurts. And hurt brings anger and anger brings the desire for vengeance.  It's a cycle.  Breaking the cycle is unnatural, against our instincts even. For once I wish I could flow comfortably in the cycle, without morals and guilt holding me back.  Well I guess I feel better now that I've worked through it here. I think that's why people blog when their angry.  It forces them to look at the situation from the reader's angle, and assume that the reader would want them to do the right thing. Thank goodness I worked that one out, sorry you all had to endure my thought process.  I hope you at least had an anger-free day! :)      

That Four-Letter Word

          Love. *GAG* Eww gosh am I really blogging about love? Have I allowed myself to be reduced to the overemotional, hormonal teenager that stereotypes me from every angle?  Maybe, but I definitely haven't crossed that line just yet.
         See, love doesn't have to be romantic to be powerful.  Maternal love drained The Dark Lord of his powers for Pete's sake! (Yes, I have been dragged into Harry Potter.  Goblet of Fire, you're up!)  But here, by powerful I mean able to influence someone into actions normally unconsidered, or able to provoke emotions that could not exist without love.  Romantic love I know nearly nothing about, but I have loved people, (meaning other than family) and the depths at which they have hurt or affected me can only be explained by the fact that I truly loved them.  I am not "in love" with these people, but simply love them, in the literal sense of the word.  The dictionary basically defines love as "a strong affection" for someone.  But I would define love as a strong affection paired with a kind of obsession with the well being of the person and their feelings towards you.  Love hurts, enlightens. inspires, and captivates you all at the same time.  Only love can keep you up at night with only one thing on your mind.  Only love causes some actions to be preformed.  And without love, the world would be a completely different place, if it existed at all.

A Gold Mine Untapped

          At what age does your opinion stop mattering? What is the age limit for some one to contribute to society? After what birthday are you dismissed as "the elderly? What annoys me is that just because an individual can't function as easily as a younger one, people automatically judge them as having lesser value. Shouldn't people who have lived longer be cherished for their knowledge and experience? It seems that we shove "the elderly" aside and focus only on what's good for ourselves.  What happened to the term "respect your elders?"  When did it become "stash anyone over 70 in various forms of confinement and regard their input as inferior?"  No matter what age you are, we are all humans and all hold the same value.  If we turned away from ourselves and sought advice from a more experienced individual, we might just find that they can help us more than ever imagined.  Lets start to show respect for all people, no matter age, race, sexuality, beliefs or any other individualities.

The Little Things

          I find it fascinating how the smallest things can make us so happy.  A great song, a simple memory, a sweet treat, or the fact that someone is there for you can brighten up any day.  Tomorrow I leave for a trip with my church, similar to one I took last year.  After last year's trip, I made it a point to write everything down.  I read it all last night and remembering the times the group had gave me that wonderful, nostalgic, happy feeling in the bottom of my heart.  Now I'm even more excited for this year, and determined to give the newbies similar great memories.  I'm so young and have so many more great experiences to live, that I bet my memories and the feelings they bring can't hold a candle to the ones to come.  Until they do, I'll just keep enjoying the little things. :D  

Get Your Head in the Clouds!

All my life people have talked about dreams. Not the dreams you get when asleep, but aspirations and goals in life. Everywhere I went it was "Follow your dreams!", "Dream big!", "Let you dreams take you places!" And for a while, I was worried. I didn't have dreams, I didn't know what I was going to do in life. I had a general idea, but nothing to "chase." All I was concerned about was getting through a cruddy fifth grade year, which only shot down the little dream-lettes sprouting in my brain. It felt like having a dream got you in a special club, and being excluded was strange and uncertain. But when I was given oppurtunities to discover and practice my strengths and passions, ideas and goals began to take shape. See if you truly want to chase your dreams, they must be firmly rooted in some type of strength or talent. So if you don't have a dream, start living life to the fullest, find your passion and dream on.

This Made Me Happy

He likes to put the cute little flowers in his cute little mouth!  Thanks http://squee.icanhascheezburger.com/ for this awesome picture!

Beautiful Evening

Have you ever noticed how the clouds seem to shift to one side of the sky when the sun sets? It's like they know the day is ending and need to drag their sleepy-eyed cloud toddlers home to bed. Some clouds are slower than others. Maybe their cloud child had a temper tantrum and refused to leave the bright blue sky for the warm dark night. Some are faster, possibly quickly yanking their nine year old cloud kid by the ear straight home to wash his mouth out. But some mozy along at a steady pace, holding their child's hands and swinging them in the air as they walk, or ,rather, float. Tired mama clouds carry the early sleepers towards the melting sun's warmth, and daddy clouds lovingly listen to their daughters' elaborate decriptions of the events of the day. Across the sky the scene unfolds, painting a spectacular view for the mortals below. With the sun and the sky and the harmony of the earth, how can God be absent?

Remember When...

Remember the days before Facebook, or when you weren't allowed to do anything cool on the Internet? What did we do? We played games. And used email. Back then, email was the coolest thing ever, and we were all introduced to the forward message. I hate forward messages, the irk me. I can think of a hundred better things you could be doing than sending, or creating, a forward message. Anyway, the days when people under 20 communicate through email are over. No one ever asks for you email, now all you need to do in order to connect with them is to remember their name and look them up on Facebook. It seems strange looking back and rmembering the days when no one needed social networking. They simply put themselves around people they wanted to talk to and avoided ones they didn't.b now it's so much more complicated. Social networking and other tools are good, but only until they create more problems than they solve. I would not be surprised if that day ever came.